by Martin Pearson - from The Unfinished Spelling Errors of Bolkien

Anything you can do I can do better - I can do anything better than you
No you can’t!
Yes I can!
No you can’t!
Yes I can!
No you can’t!
Yes I can, yes I can
Any Orc you can kill, I can kill quicker - with my pink sticker I’m slicker than you
No you’re not!
Yes I am!
No you’re not!
Yes I am
No you’re not!
Yes I am, yes I am
I’m not scared of Strider, or a giant spider
I’m not scared of Uruks, Oliphaunts or Wargs
I’m not scared of anything!
The Witch-King of Angmar?
Och, he fights like my grandma!
Anything you can do I can do better - I can do anything better than you.
No you can’t!
Yes I can!
No you can’t!
Yes I can!
No you can’t
Yes I can, yes I can!
Any blow you can throw, I can go lower - below the belt, it comes natural to me!
Hip and thigh?
Way too high!
Think I’ll pass…
Bite your ass!
No you can’t!
Yes I can, yes I can!
I can cut a Troll up with a single wallop
I can kill an Uruk with a knife and fork
I’m much nicer than a Dwarf
Can your mummy sew?
Yes, she crocheted me this bow!
Anything you can do, I can do better - I can do anything better than you
Any girl you can woo, I can woo fonder - sooner or later I’m blonder than you
You’re a dear
Yes, I am!
Pointy-ear!
Yes, I am!
Are you queer?
Yes, I am! Wait, what was that?
Any hair you can grow, I can grow triple - kneecap to nipple I’m hairier than you!
(Oh, yes you are!)
(Yes I am!)
Get a trim!
Grow a beard!
Get a shave!
Least I can, least I can!
I can shoot a sparrow with a bow and arrow
I can make it splatter, and a good deal flatter
I can beat up anything
Could you beat up Sauron?
Och, don’t be a moron!
Anything you can do, I can do better - I can do anything better than you
No you can’t!
Yes I can!
No you can’t!
Yes I can!
No you can’t!
Yes I can, yes I can!