When Thorin was in the dungeon, I kept on seeing him looking at me when he was with that other girl
Do you think he was just doing that to make me jealous?
Because he was totally texting me all night last night
And I don’t know if it’s a booty call or not
So… like, what do you think?
Did you think that girl was pretty?

How did that girl even get in here?
What, can she, like, turn herself invisible?
She is so short and that outfit is so tacky…
It’s not even winter, why does the DJ keep playing that song about Elbereth?
After we go to the bathroom, can we go smoke some pipe-weed? I really need some
But first, let me take an Elfie

(let me take an Elfie)

Can you help me pick a filter?
I’m not sure if I should go with Misty Mountains or Rivendell
I wanna look tan
What should my caption be? I want it to be clever
How about “Party King in the house #KING”?
I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes
Do you think I should take it down?
Let me take another Elfie

(Elfie, Elfie, let me take an Elfie)

Wait, pause. Thorin just liked my selfie
What a creep!
Is that guy sleeping over there?
Yeah, the one guarding all the wine barrels
That is so ratchet
That girl is such a fake Dwarf
She definitely stole that sword from a Troll hoard
Who gatecrashes at an Elf party?

Ok, let’s go take some shots
Oh no, I feel like I’m gonna throw up
Oh, wait, nevermind, I’m immortal
Let’s go dance
There’s no wine at this table
Do you know anyone else here?
Oh my God, Thorin just texted me
Should I go home with him?
I guess I took a good Elfie